"It's Better to Have Loved and Lost"
Sometimes I wonder if people who haven't been divorced feel that those of us who have been somehow didn't make the correct choice in a marriage partner the first time around. I wonder if they believe we didn't follow the spirit when we were choosing our mate, or that we were not wise, or that we weren't living worthily at the time.
Personally, I was as deserving and striving for what is right, as any young woman can be at that stage in life. When my temple worthy suitor asked me to marry him, I asked for some ponder time and I preceeded to fast and pray for two days. I wanted to give that young man the answer I knew the Lord wanted me to give!
And the Lord's answer was, "YES!" I still remember what the spirit whispered to me during those prayerful days:
We would be a good match and would both learn things that would help us gain our exaltation. That sounded good to me! So, I told that young man, "Yes, I'll marry you!" and off we soared into the next 25 years of our lives.
But though our marriage didn't turn out the way I thought it would, I know the Lord didn't lie when He said we would learn things that would aid in our exaltation. I learned principles I may never have completely understood, if it had not been for the opposition I experienced for so long. I relied on the Lord many times when there was no one else to carry me.
Would I trade those tutorial years? Not for anything. I had a chance, for twenty-five years, to put my best efforts into a worthy cause that ended, unfortunately, not the way I intended. But, you know, I had the chance to work, and try, and pray, and hope when events seldom seemed to go the way I thought they should.
That takes strength! That takes commitment! That takes faith!
And besides all that, I was allowed to become the mother of five amazing spirits!
Who was it that said, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"? Alfred Lord Tennyson? I agree with him. I know I'm a better person for my struggle; and though I didn't get to enjoy the sweet savor of success my first time around, that experience makes my second time around so much easier, so much sweeter, and oh, so much more satisfying.
As long as I know this is what the Lord wanted me to experience, I wouldn't change a thing!
Comment
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Comment by Nancy Leavitt on December 6, 2011 at 8:39am -
It was really hard for me to divorce my husband after 17 years. We were married civily because I was a new convert and he was not a member, but was open to the church & was attending with me every Sunday. I also fasted & prayed about marrying him & believed whole-heartedly I was making the right decision. Shortly after we were married my husband was baptized & 10 years & 5 children later we were sealed together in the Temple. It wasn't until I was in a car accident (8 years later) I knew I couldn't take it any longer. My husband was explosive & abusive & I was pretending he wasn't. The divorce caused a split in the family & we all fell into inactivity in the church. Over the next few years I cried many tears over my family, my mistakes & misfortunes. I've asked the Lord why I was ignored in my pleadings while I suffered at the hands of my husband. I prayed & prayed until finally, I gave up. I felt like I was beat & I just couldn't go on anymore. My heart was broken in half over & over again. I came back into full membership in the church, hoping, praying, working, to bring my children back, but day after day, as my testimony grew stronger, my children grew more distant toward the church. I remembered a talk when the speaker said, "Never give up. Never, ever give up". And then I realized that even though I was inactive I never lost my testimony. Never.
Am I angry at the Lord? Not at all. I believe that it was necessary for me to marry at that time in order to bring my children into this world. I believe my marriage was necessary because I also learned many great & wonderful things that will help me into my exhaultation.
I am now remarried (1 yr this Dec!) to a wonderful man who comes from a long line of strong members in the church & have strong testimonies. My husband prays with me, prays for me, prays for my children, serves in the church & is a full tithe payer. I have been blessed in so many ways and I am so grateful for all that He has given me. And, someday, we believe, my children will come back into the church. Why do we believe this? Because it was promised to us, to all of us, that if we do all we can to teach our children the truths, we will have them. That is a promise.
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