Seeing Eye to Eye

You can't expect people to look eye to eye with you if you are looking down on them.
       - Anonymous

I am first to admit that I am awful when it comes to judging people. From first looking at someone I think, “oh, they don’t look like they’d be my friend so I will not bother talking to them” or “they think they are better than me because they drive a nicer car” or “they think they are better than me because they are prettier than me.” Every day it seems one of these thoughts comes along. Maybe it is a simple thought like, “that person has good taste in clothes” or “can this person drive any slower?” Although not all thoughts are bad, I bet on a day to day basis that most of the thoughts we think of others, especially people we do not know, are negative. The scary thing is, most of the time we do not even realize we are doing it. And for me, I notice I do it more to people I do not know. I do not think I am a mean person, or even a person that judges others; but noticing all the negative things I think about people makes me think that I am, in fat, a mean, nasty person. How can I make new friends if I am always on a different level than them in my mind?

As I think about all of these negative thoughts that enter my mind, I wonder how those thoughts effect my day. Of course, most the time I don’t even notice that I am making these judgments but when I do, I feel guilty and feel I need to go and apologize to the person (even though they have no idea what my thoughts of them were). Another thing that judging others make me feel is a deep, deadly desire to be perFect. If I am thinking of others this way, than what are others thinking of me?

I must look perfect, I must dress perfect, I must have the cleanest house on the block, I must get the best grades, I must exercise more than you, I must eat better than you, I must bake and cook better than you, I must make more money than you, I must have the best spirit, I must be the most successful, I must be the happiest. Not only is trying to be all of these things exhausting and impossible, but it is also not really the person I want to be. Remember the comment, “oh that person doesn’t look like they’d be my friend so I will not bother talking to them” that I made about someone. Well, that person is now me. Me trying to be something that I am not. Me trying to do so much so I can be perfect. Me doing things that I don’t even love to do, but more what people want me to love to do. Me trying to be so perfect that I don't even seem friendly to others. Then, I feel even worse about myself because I am not being myself. It seems to be a vicious cycle.

I know we all have thoughts like this that may harm yourself and others. With all the negativity, it’s hard to believe that anyone can get through life in one piece, if at all. I’d love to hear suggestions about how you deal with everyday pressures to be perfect and to keep yourself from thinking negatively about yourself and others.